|
| |
|
FAMILY
Who's in your family?
It may be larger than you think.
My wife, Julie, and I recently went to her annual "Johnson
family reunion." We showed a video there that we'd produced
about several generations of family history using interviews and
old photographs. We included a story about great-grandfather
Rommie trying to drive his new Model T Ford for the
first time. When it abruptly started forward and he couldn't
remember how to stop it, he clung to the steering wheel yelling,
"Whoa! Gee! Gee! Haw!" as if he was driving one of his mules.
His oldest son jumped up on the car's running board and got it
stopped.
The older members of Julie's family grew up together. As
children, her father and his cousins spent their summers
together working on family members' farms. They love telling
tales about the work, play and shenanigans they shared. It
makes some of them wistful when younger members of the family,
who didn't grow up with their cousins and don't feel the same
sense of kinship, don't put as high a priority on attending
family reunions.
This is probably an inevitable result of a mobile population, in
which extended families can live great distances away and rarely
see each other. The older members of my wife's family are close
because they understand one another. They speak the same
language. And they're always ready to help
and support each other.
If you're lucky enough to be close to your extended kinfolk,
that's great. But you don't have to be related to people to feel
a sense of family. Parents with children who have special needs
such as Asperger Syndrome or autism can feel very alone.
Especially if their extended family lives far away and may not
recognize what they're dealing with on a daily basis.
This is when contact with others dealing with similar situations
can be a lifesaver.
Like the mother I know of who rescued another mother taking her
developmentally delayed autistic son to a "Thomas the Tank
Engine" exhibit at a transportation museum. In the museum's
gift shop, 11 year old, 150 pound Aaron flopped down on the
floor and threw a tantrum in the midst of the other, mostly two
and three year-old, Thomas fans.
Desperately trying to deal with the situation and purchase the
new "Thomas" DVD her son had picked out, Aaron's mom, Lynn, felt
someone grab her shoulder. She thought to herself, "If you say
one word I'll...!"
But she turned to find a woman who said, "Give me your stuff and
give me your money and I'll pay for it. I'll meet you in the
parking lot. I have a son with autism."
Lynn managed, with a struggle, to get her son to her car. A
short while later, the woman and her daughter appeared to
deliver the DVD and Lynn's change. The rescuer gave Lynn a hug
and said, "Sometimes this is all we can do."
Then the daughter said, "You should have seen my mom."
"What did she do?"
"The security guard was having a problem and said 'they
shouldn't let kids like that in places like this.' And she
looked him straight in the eye and said 'If you've got a typical
child, you go home tonight and pray to God you never have to go
through anything like this.'"
Lynn said it touched her deeply that someone else knew what she
was going through.
Those of us with children on the autism spectrum are sometimes
in the best position to give each other the help and support we
need. We know what it feels like. We speak each other's
language.
We're family.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the producer of the videos,
"Understanding
Brothers and Sisters with Asperger Syndrome" and "Understanding
Brothers and
Sisters on the Autism Spectrum." You can read more articles on
his website:
www.coultervideo.com
Copyright 2008 Dan Coulter Used By Permission All Rights
Reserved
|
|
| |
|
"I know of nobody who is purely Autistic or purely neurotypical.
Even God had some Autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin."
~ Jerry Newport